


He Loves You

by TheGirlWhoHeldOn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Drugs, Hallucinations, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Supernatural AU: Croatoan/End'verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 12:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWhoHeldOn/pseuds/TheGirlWhoHeldOn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a rough night, Cas needs a pep talk with an old friend</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Loves You

**Author's Note:**

> I don't what happened; one minute I'm scrolling through Tumblr next inspiration hit and I'm writing this. It might be a strange concept but I rolled with it. And I like the end result :) I hope you like it too

_“It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight/Rising up to the challenge of our rival!”_ Cas sang happily, stumbling along the beaten path through the forest in the dark of night. He was barefoot, wearing old torn clothes that should’ve been thrown out weeks ago. But he couldn’t do it. Sentiment or some shit like that.

**_It was the last outfit Dean picked out for him and he only took it off when bathing or when Dean had ripped them off of him—_ **

He would ask Dean for some new clothes when he got back to camp.

If he got back to camp.

After all, with Dean not caring what was the point of going back?

(Of _living?_ )

**_Before this Cas had been high as a kite and singing to himself old songs from the days in the Impala. He couldn’t help himself—in the moment he wanted to see how many lyrics he remembered. Apparently he remembered a lot from singing along with Dean, back in the day—_ **

**_Well, back in day as in almost a year ago. When he first became human._ **

**_But anyways, apparently he was singing way too loud because Dean came barging in, yelling, demanding, angry. Telling him to shut up._ **

**_He couldn’t. He was in the middle of ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’._ **

**_“Fine then. Go. Go for a fucking walk. Go get attacked by Croats. I don’t give a shit anymore. I just want to fucking sleep.” Dean had snarled, looking beyond pissed._ **

**_Who was he to say no?_ **

“ _And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night…_ ” Cas continued, taking a gulp of whiskey he had brought along for the ride. It burned down his throat but he honestly didn’t give a fuck.

“ _And he's watching us all in_ —whoops!” he tried to continue, but before he knew it he was stumbling and falling and _ow._ Tree.

“Fuck.” He grumbled, holding the side of his face with one hand and taking another gulp of whiskey with the other. He felt a little wetness on his cheek now, but he didn’t know if it was from blood or tears.

Suddenly angry, he pushed himself off of the tree and punched it. His fist exploded in pain but the whiskey muffled it.

“Fucking tree. Fucking forest. Fucking _life._ ” He whispered angrily at the tree, as if it was all the tree’s fault that his life went to hell…

But it wasn’t.

So he patted the tree, apologized (trees had souls too; he could see them when he was an angel) and went on his merry way. He clutched his fist and his whiskey to his chest and tried not to stumble as he kept walking, Father knows where. Maybe to the nearest town. Maybe to the nearest Croat’s nest. Maybe to China—he had no damned clue—

Until he saw her that is.

He couldn’t believe his eyes; he rubbed them, slapped his cheek, even poured some whiskey on his face; but none of it woke him up. He was awake.

And he was seeing Dean’s Baby.

**_“Where’s the Impala?” Cas asked, his brows furrowed but his mouth smiling. He couldn’t stop smiling. Man, those painkillers were the bomb!_ **

**_“Oh, uh…yeah, while in town, after we left her, she…she didn’t make it. The Croats found her and wrecked her.”_ **

**_“Okay.” He nodded solemnly but soon discarded the information. After all, it was just a car._ **

It wasn’t just a car.

He didn’t know why he let himself so drug-addled that he forgot that one piece of information.

The Baby was the one home they both knew. The one place they could go for peace. The one place where they could let go, forget everything, make love…

How could he have forgotten her?

And how could he have not questioned Dean? If he were in his right mind, he would’ve known the bastard was lying to him. He remembered almost clearly now; the shifty eyes, the nervous twitch in his hands…he was obviously lying.

But why would he lie?

_Because he wanted to discard everything that had_ anything _to do with you…_

Cas shook his head and walked over, surprisingly sober now as he made his way towards her. _It won’t be that way for long._ He thought as the whiskey he had sloshed within the bottle.

“ _Sweet caroline…_ ” he sang, forgetting what song he had been singing before. Might as well start a new one.

“ _Ba ba ba…”_

He was quick to climb up, sit on the rusty hood of the once impeccable car. It was dull now, and dirty and maroon in some areas. The tires were gone—most likely saved for an emergency at camp—and he wouldn’t be surprised if the engine inside was gone too.

“ _Hands, touchin' hands_ …” he mumbled as he touched the hood underneath him softly, gently. She didn’t deserve any more hardship…she had already gone through hell.

“And back.”

It took a moment to register, but when it did…

“ _HOLY SHIT!”_ he screeched, practically flying off the Impala in his haste to get away.

“Relax kid; it’s just me.” A woman grinned from the other side of the car, just beside the passenger door. She was also petting the car softly, red fingernails shining bright in the moonlight.

“Who— _who the fuck are you?_ ” he hissed, his curiosity peaked but still ready to run if need be.

“You know me…sexy.” She grinned, coming forward. Cas instantly backed up, grabbing a nearby stick as he did. She seemed to notice and stopped, raising her hands in the air in defeat and her black eyebrows raised.

“ _Who?_ ” Cas asked, already poised to run.

“I’m Baby. Remember? _Home._ ” She grinned, her teeth hideously yellow as her red lips curled in a smile.

You could’ve heard a pin drop for a few short moments before Cas hissed vehemently, “ _Fuck you._ ”

“I would, but you’re not my type. You’re Dean’s though; I’d go see him about it.” The woman grinned, her smile teasing and knowing.

He gaped, not quite hearing his ears. “How— _how_ do you _know_ about that?” After all, they stopped fucking after first joining Camp Chautauqua, around 8 months ago. No one knew of their past history; for all the people at camp knew they were just hunters and best friends, nothing more. So how…?

“Remember, I’m Baby. I think I would know what was happening in the backseat sweetheart.”

“You… _You’re not real._ ” Cas was finally able to hiss, once he got his voice back. It was his only solution; he must’ve taken too many pills or drank too much and created this crazy hallucination.

“Smart boy. I am in fact a hallucination; but I pretty good one at that. And besides, it’s better then being alone isn’t it?”

Indeed it was.

He hasn’t had a proper conversation with anyone in ages. No one wanted to talk with ‘the junkie’ anymore. And when they did talk it was about battles plans. Or it was some dirty talk. Either way he hasn’t _really_ talked with anyone in awhile and normally he didn’t give a shit…but now it was painfully obvious.

He really did need someone to talk to.

“That’s my boy…now, why has your subconscious called me up?” the Impala asked, crossing her arms and hopping onto the hood of the car. Seeing no danger now Cas just sullenly walked over and climbed gingerly on top with her.

They stayed in a companionable silence for several moments, listening to lack of nature sounds in the barren forest. It was unbearably quiet yet it wasn’t what Dean used to call ‘awkward’. It was nice.

But Baby came to get shit done.

“It’s Dean isn’t it?” she droned, looking up at the starless sky.

“When is it not?” he sighed back, leaning back onto the windshield. She leaned back with him, smoothly taking out a packet of cigarettes. She lit one up and took a deep drag before turning to him. “Want one?”

“You’re a hallucination. Technically I wouldn’t actually be having one…Besides, do you really think that I wouldn’t bring my own?” Cas replied slickly, taking his own out.

Instead of answering Baby just sighed and whispered, “What the hell happened Cas?”

“What?”

“You were kind. Awkward. Badass. In love. And not to mention pretty fucking hot. And now…” It seemed like she couldn’t finish her sentence.

“I’m broken? Nothing? Pathetic? Baby, if there’s a word to describe me at the moment I’ve probably called myself it. Or Dean has.” Cas pointed out, taking a drag from his cigarette and completely ignoring at old description of himself (especially the _‘in love’_ part).

“Sweetheart—“

“No—I am. I always have been. I just needed the right push in the wrong direction.”

“He’s really hurt you hasn’t he?”

The comment caught Cas off-guard. He frowned and turned towards Baby, who was staring at him now with some of the greenest eyes he’d ever seen. Exactly like—

He made a choked noise before looking away.

“What happened?” she whispered, grabbing his cold hand in hers. Her hands were cold as well. _Cold people. Dead people. The people Dean left—_

“Humanity. A fucking beating heart and breathing lungs and hunger pains and _sex_ happened to me.” He hissed, yanking his hand out of hers. Her hand had suddenly felt like fire, and way too rough.

**_“Beautiful eh?” Dean asked, ever so gently lying back onto the windshield._ **

**_“I do not understand.” Cas asked, not having moved from his spot at beside the car._ **

**_“The stars Sherlock. Now get your ass up here and look at them with me.”_ **

**_He sighed but did as told, getting on even more gently then Dean did._ **

**_“I’ve always loved these. I don’t know why…I think maybe because Sam liked to show off his love for them when he was a kid.”_ **

**_The name Sam made the angel grimace and he grabbed Dean’s hand. It was calloused and rough, but…it was warm. It warmed Cas’ body more then anything else could. Well, except when Dean lit the fire in his groin. But that was an entirely different feeling._ **

**_Seemingly grateful, Dean brought Cas’ hand to his lips and kissed it softly. The gesture gave Cas butterflies._ **

**_Dean smiled, as if he read his mind, before giving Cas’ hand a small squeeze and then focused completely on the stars._ **

“He really did like you, you know. Our boy? Lord; when you weren’t there and it was just me and him, he’d mumble all sorts of sweet nothings about you. I almost got jealous, what with him calling you all the things he used to call me. But I got over myself. After all, he did need someone _human_ to love and you were the best candidate for my boy.” She sighed, running her fingers through her pitch-black hair.

“When did that end?” he scoffed, knowing it must’ve stopped somewhere just after he became human. After all, who could love such a disgusting, weak, pathetic _human_ body?

“It didn’t. He used to insist to himself that he could still love you, despite all the shit you put him through—“

“The shit _I_ put him through?” _What the_ actual _fuck?_ In his anger Cas propelled himself forward, sitting up and glaring at Baby. She just raised her eyebrows before lifting herself up too.

“Babe, don’t kid yourself. You becoming human was hard for him too. After all, if something were to happen to you, you wouldn’t just _magically_ heal like you used to. You’d die. He fucking _hated_ that so much. And he hated Lucifer. And he hated Sam. And he hated you a little bit too. But mostly he hated—and hates no doubt—himself. He was so angry, Cas. Has it changed at all?” she asked hopefully.

“If him telling me he didn’t give a shit if I lived or died counts as anger issues, then fuck yes.”

“Jesus Dean…” Baby groaned, bashing her forehead into her palm, “What the fuck happened to you?”

“Life. Same as me. We were both screwed over by life.” He sighed, taking a swig of the almost empty whiskey bottle he forgot about.

“Then unscrew yourselves up. Help each other, fix yourselves!” she cried.

“It’s not that simple. I wish it was.”

“I do too…” she whispered, looking down at the car’s old frame. Technically her old frame.

“We were both so screwed over by him.” Cas sighed, looking down at the car underneath him. It used to be so beautiful…

“Now I’m ugly. And dirty.” She sighed as well, lifting her arm to show off the dirt on her skin.

“I am too. No worries; you’re among equals.” Cas laughed, but it was more harsh and sarcastic then he had meant it to.

“Look at us both, angel. Look at us both.” She took a small pause before she whispered, “You have a chance though. To become shiny and new again. Just try. Please try. For the both of us.”

“He hates me Baby. He doesn’t want to save me.”

“He’s lost Castiel. He needs someone to bring him to the light. He deserves that, and you know it. You deserve it as well, and _he_ knows that! In fact, I know he doesn’t hate you. There’s no way in hell. In fact, he’d probably prefer to burn in Hell for another 40 years instead of falling out of love with you. I know him.”

“You don’t know him now. I do. And I know—“

“ _Please._ Just because flour turns into cookies doesn’t mean there’s no longer any flour in them.”

Cas unconsciously tilted his head to the side.

“Basically; despite everything there’s no way he no longer loves you. Just because things change, people change, doesn’t mean his feelings have. I mean, when Dean loves someone, not just _love_ love but love in general, like ‘I’ll go to Hell for you’ love, he won’t let go of that. He _can’t_. Love reminds him of all that’s good in the world and it’s impossible for him to stop loving after the fact. You know this to be true.” She whispered pointedly.

“All he felt for me must’ve been infatuation and lust. He never loved me as he did Sam; I was just there.” Cas sighed, thinking it was so for a long time now.

“Oh my baby,” she whispered, turning towards him cross-legged and placing her cold and dirty hand on her cheek, “You know that’s not true. You felt it in the way he touched you, kissed you, held you. He _adored_ you babe.”

And as Cas looked into the starling green eyes he somehow knew. He _knew_. He couldn’t deny the truth.

Tears long not shed gathered in his eyes and he fought bravely against them, biting his lip. All Baby had to do though was caress his cheek much like Dean used to do before he cracked.

He let out a gurgling sob and curled in a fetal position on the hood of the Impala. She held him gently, letting him cushion his head on her lap. Like how she used to be, she was smooth, comforting and hummed underneath him.

**_“This is not just any car Cas.”_ **

He remembered Dean telling him shortly after they descended into friendship.

**_“This is my Baby. My girl. The only person who’ll never leave me.”_ **

**_“This is not a person Dean. This is an automobile.” Castiel droned from the backseat, frowning at the curious sensations he was feeling. It was his first time riding in a car. The Impala thrummed from underneath him, the pace almost painfully slow and it was the most interesting human experience he had up to date._ **

**_“Don’t insult her! You are riding her after all.” And Dean’s lips twisted into a small smile. A joke Castiel assumed._ **

**_“Yes Dean.” Was all he whispered before looking away and out the window, appreciating the view of everything whizzing past._ **

“I’m sorry Baby…you were so loyal. You didn’t deserve this fate.” Cas whispered a little while later, when the sobs were mostly gone and the hiccups were in their place.

“Cas, I’m just a car…There’s no need to mourn over me.” She commented wryly, grinning softly.

“Dean never believed that. He loved you too.”

“But there’s no place in the Apocalypse for a old wheezer like me. It’s okay…I’ve had my time. I’ve basked in the sun and rode highway after highway. I had a perfect life.” Baby smiled, no pain or regret on her face. Just contentment.

“We’ll come for you, you know. After all of this.” Cas said, slipping off of her hood. When he got no answer he turned around, expecting to see her sitting lazily on the Impala’s hood. Instead all there was was an empty space.

“Thank you,” he whispered into the forest air.

The wind blew softly and Cas smiled slightly before turning around, going back the way he came. He needed to find Dean.


End file.
